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What are some dark humor jokes?

What are some dark humor jokes?

What are some dark humor jokes?

A wife wakes up at 2am one night startled to see her husband isn’t in bed she heads downstairs to find him sitting alone in the kitchen ,the room is filled with cigar smoke the table is empty bar for a glass an ashtray with an almost empty bottle of whiskey and as her husband downs his drink the wife can see how troubled the look on her husbands face is,she’s ask “whats wrong dear?”

The husband replys but stays staring off without even looking up to his wives face he says” well dear,you remember when we first started dating 40 years or so ago and you called to tell me your parents were away for the night and I should come over?”. The wife is shocked but replies “of course dear but what has that got to do…”the husband interrupts her continuing “well you Remember how that night when we were making love in your parents bed that your father returned home early and caught us in the act?”

“Well yes I remember that aswell dear”

He interupts her again “well if you remember darling your father went berserk and got his shotgun and threatened me saying if I didn’t marry you then he would make sure I would be sent to prison !”

“Well of course I know all of this dear but it stil doesn’t make sense”

The husband drinks another drink before replying

“well I would have gotten out of prison today!”

Here are a few dark humor jokes for you:

  1. I have a joke about trickle-down economics… but 99% of you will never get it.
  2. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
  3. I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
  4. I told my therapist about my fear of being buried alive. He said I should just get a bigger coffin.
  5. I have a great joke about procrastination, but I’ll tell you later.

Remember, dark humor isn’t for everyone, so it’s good to know your audience!

What are some dark humor jokes?

A farmer visits his friend down the road and as they are chatting the visitor notices a 3-legged pig hobbling by the house.

That’s a strange pig he says. You bet, says his friend. A couple weeks ago that very pig noticed our house was on fire and he squeeled until we woke up. Saved our lives. He’s a special pig for sure.

Then just last week my tractor upset and pinned me under it. Well, old piggy here ran back and squeeled until Gladys followed him back and saved me again. Yep, a special pig.

Wow! That’s amazing! But tell me, why does he only have 3 legs?

Oh! Well, a pig that special you don’t eat all at once.

Dark humor walks that fine line between funny and edgy, but when done right, it can bring a unique twist to comedy! 😈 Here are a few dark humor jokes to lighten the mood:

  1. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was a kid.
  2. Why don’t graveyards ever get overcrowded? People are dying to get in. ⚰️
  3. I told my therapist about my fear of elevators. He said I’m taking steps to avoid them.
  4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… until the crows got tired of him. 🌾
  5. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll. 🤷‍♂️

Dark humor isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but if you enjoy these, you might find even more laughs! 😄✨ What are some dark humor jokes?

What are some dark humor jokes?

A man goes to the doctor and the doctor walks in.

I have some bad news the doctor says.

Do I have cancer the man says.

No your infertile the doctor says.

The man gets in his car to tell his wife the bad news.

I have some bad news he says.

The wife says I have some good news!

I’m pregnant! The wife says

We’re getting a divorce! The man says

Edit: Thanks for 4k views!!!!

What do you call a cannibal gay party? An All-You-Can-Eat-Buffet

What’s the difference between an American and a Computer? Americans don’t have trouble shooting

What is necrophiliacs safe word? “I’m alive!”

What’s the difference between Adolph Hitler and Usian Bolt? Usain Bolt finished a race

What did a gay guy say to his best friend after winning in video game? “GG”

What do women and home fire alarms have in common? They both stop screaming if you hit them hard enough

“So I was in a Muslim party last night. It was a blast”

Guy: “I would tell you my dick joke but its too long”

Girl: “And I would tell you my pussy joke but you wouldn’t get it”

Guy: Vagina jokes aren’t funny. Period

What’s worse then finger banging your sister? Finding dads wedding ring

What did a deer say after leaving a gay bar? “I can’t believe I blew 50 Bucks back there!” What are some dark humor jokes?

Are there any good dark humor movies?

All the suggestions, so far, are probably good examples of “Dark Humor’ , but to leave out “Dr. Strangelove” is baffling.

It won the British Academy Award for Best Picture as well as 3 other high profile categories in 1964. “Dr. Strangelove” is Kubrick’s highest rated film on “Rotten Tomatoes” holding a 99% approval rating (based on 73 reviews) with an average rating of 9.1/10. The site’s critical consensus reads, “Stanley Kubrick’s brilliant Cold War satire remains as funny and razor-sharp today as it was in 1964.” I agree completely.

Strangelove was based on the ultimate darkness (Nuclear War). How could it not be at the top of this list.

A case could be made for “Full Metal Jacket” being a dark comedy. The first half, specifically.

Kubrick interjected humor in many dramatic/horrifying moments of his films:

Frank Poole appearing to be a bug in “2001: A Space Odyssey”, just after he was attacked by HAL.

But, Strangelove was obviously intended as a comedy from the Opening Credits (The undeniable, symbolic copulation of mid-air re-fueling) to Vera Lynn’s haunting vocal of “We’ll Meet Again” played under a nuclear exchange at the end. What are some dark humor jokes?

What are some of the best dark comedies?

I would recommend these movies:

Bad Santa (2003)

Arsenic and old lace (1944)

Ladykillers (of course the 1955’s original, not the rather silly 2004’s remake)

The trouble with Harry (1955)

Monty Python’s Life of Brian (1979)

Weekend at Bernie’s (1989)

Delicatessen (1991)

Are there any good dark humor movies?

I would like to add Fight Club and American Psycho to the list. They were released within 6 months of each other and share commonalities that surprisingly have gone unnoticed by the critics and the viewers.

Both the movies offer a dark, satirical take on capitalistic society inhabited by shallow and greedy people deeply obsessed with material acquisition.

Although American Psycho is more psychopathic in its portrayal of blood and grotesque deaths, I found it more humorous than Fight Club with Christian Bale’s character unintentionally funny with his esoteric monologues and excessive preening.

The scene where Bale’s character keeps admiring himself in the mirror while having sex could easily contend for the list of best unintentional comic scenes. What are some dark humor jokes?

What are some of the most heartless, politically incorrect jokes out there?

Some form the pedophile category:

what is the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old girl?
When her hair is wet and sticking back , she looks like a 12 year old boy …

A small child and a pedophile are walking down a dark lane.
The child says “I’m scared”
The pedophile answers “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back on my own”

What did the Jewish Pedophile say to the little boy once he was in the car?
“Hey, go easy on the candy!”

What are some of the most politically incorrect things ever said?

I would vote for the Duke of Edinburgh. Not content to be politically incorrect once, he has demonstrated consistency in the face of adversity over the past 50 years. The following from the Daily Telegraph:-

(enjoy!)


The Duke of Edinburgh

By Andrew Hough

The Duke of Edinburgh has made a string of memorable quotes during his reign as the Queen’s consort. On his 90th birthday, here is a selection of his memorable gaffes as he offers his own unique advice to people all over the world.

1963

Speaking about the rate of British tax, he said: “All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.”

1965

On seeing an exhibition of “primitive” Ethiopian art, he muttered: “It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons.”

1966
The Duke famously proclaimed: “British women can’t cook”.

1967

When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union: “I would like to go to Russia very much, although the bastards murdered half my family.”

1969
The Duke said to Tom Jones after his Royal Variety Performance: “What do you gargle with, pebbles?”.

He later added: “It is very difficult at all to see how it is possible to become immensely valuable by singing what I think are the most hideous songs.”

On the Royal Family’s finances: “We go into the red next year. I shall probably have to give up polo.”

1976
On a tour of Canada: “We don’t come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.”

1981
During the recession he mused: “Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed.”

1984
When accepting a figurine from a woman during a visit to Kenya he asked: “You are a woman aren’t you?”

1986
He told a World Wildlife Fund meeting that “if it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.”

Prince Philip’s opinion of Beijing, during a tour of China in 1986, was simply: “Ghastly.”

1993

To a British tourist in Hungary in he quipped: “You can’t have been here that long — you haven’t got a pot belly.”

To survivors of the Lockerbie bombing he told them: “People usually say that after a fire it is water damage that is the worst. We are still drying out Windsor Castle.”

1994
“Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?”, he asked an islander in the Cayman Islands.

To a Caribbean rabbit breeder in Anguilla, he said: “Don’t feed your rabbits pawpaw fruit — it acts as a contraceptive. Then again, it might not work on rabbits.”

1995

He asked a Scottish driving instructor in Oban: “How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?”

1996

Following the Dunblane massacre, he questioned the need for a firearms ban: “If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?”

1998
The Duke asked a British student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea: “You managed not to get eaten then?”

1999
In Cardiff he told children from the British Deaf Association, who were standing by a Caribbean steel band: “If you’re near that music it’s no wonder you’re deaf”.

2000

To guests at the opening reception of a new £18million British Embassy in Berlin: “It’s a vast waste of space.”

At a Buckingham Palace drinks party, he told group of female Labour MPs: “Ah, so this is feminist corner then.”

On being offered fine Italian wines by Giuliano Amato, the former Prime Minister, at a dinner in Rome, he is said to have uttered: “Get me a beer. I don’t care what kind it is, just get me a beer!”

“People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.”

2001
To Elton John: “Oh it’s you that owns that ghastly car is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.”

2002
While touring a factory near Edinburgh he said a fuse box was so crude it “looked as though it had been put in by an Indian”.

2002
To Australian Aborigines during a visit to Australia with the Queen he asked: “Do you still throw spears at each other?”

To the Aircraft Research Association, he said: “If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort, provided you don’t travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.”

2009
Said to black dance troupe Diversity at the Royal Variety Performance: “Are you all one family?”

To a young fashion designer at Buckingham Palace he told him: “You didn’t design your beard too well, did you? You really must try better with your beard.”

2010
On asking a female Sea Cadet what she did for a living, and being told that she worked in a nightclub (as a barmaid), the Duke asked “Is it a strip club?” Observing her surprise he dismissed the suggestion saying that it was “probably too cold for that anyway”.

2010
At a prize-giving ceremony for the Duke of Edinburgh Awards a girl told him that she’d been to Romania to help in an orphanage. He replied: “Oh yes, there’s a lot of orphanges in Romania – they must breed them”.

Others that are undated:

“YOU have mosquitos. I have the Press.”
– To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean.

“If it doesn’t fart or eat hay then she isn’t interested”
– speaking about his daughter, Princess Anne.

“Can you tell the difference between them?”
– The Duke’s question after President Barack Obama said he met with the leaders of the UK, China and Russia.

“The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion.”
– on London traffic.

“Well, you’ll never fly in it, you’re too fat to be an astronaut.”
– to a 13-year-old whilst visiting a space shuttle.

“You look like you’re ready for bed!”
– To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes.

What are some politically incorrect opinions you hold?

A surprising few, come to think of it:

  1. Cunt is a perfectly fine swear word to use, it is neither sexist nor demeaning to women. If ‘cunt’ is sexist, so are ‘dick’, ‘bollocks’, and ‘cock’.
  2. Islam, Christianity, Judaism, and many if not most other religions are all immoral in of themselves. That isn’t to say those that follow them are, merely the ideas expressed in the holy books are completely immoral (yes I’m familiar with what those are, no I haven’t taken anything out of context, yes I have checked with a native Hebrew speaker to make sure there isn’t a translation error in that one bit). Furthermore, to criticise a religion is no different to criticising any other idea, opinion, or view, such as a political standpoint.
  3. All people are equal. Not all cultures are equal. All people deserve respect. Not all cultures deserve respect.
  4. People have the full right to choose who they want to date and that doesn’t make them a bad person. People can and (if it would cause them discomfort) should refuse to date overweight people, trans people, people of certain races, short people, tall people, and any other people they aren’t attracted to. Attraction isn’t a political statement and it doesn’t reflect any -ism, prejudice, or hatred in that person. However, if you’re a dick about it then you’re a dick, keep it to yourself unless there’s a reason.
  5. Self diagnosis is not only nowhere near the same thing as actual diagnosis, in many cases it’s harmful to yourself, it’s dishonest, and it can lead to problems for people who actually have the issue. Self diagnosis should be a precursor to actual diagnosis.
  6. What are some dark humor jokes?

Conclusion

Big momma goes to the doctors to fix her sore throat.”Lay on the table and remove your underwear please”.requests the doctor. He proceeds to unfold her genitalia. “Excuse me doctor,but I only have a sore throat”she worriedly asks.”I do apologise mam,but I just purchased a brown leather settee and wondered what it would look like with pink cushions”.

A priest is driving down the road and sees a boy crying. Filled with pity he stops and gets out. “Why are you crying?” He asks. The boy points and says “My parents went over this cliff in their car and they’re dead.” The priest looks over the cliff and sure enough they are dead. The priest pulls down his zipper. “This just isn’t your day, is it?” He says.

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What are some dark humor jokes?